i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
