WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
