i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
