The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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