I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
