he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
