u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
