puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
