he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
