Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
