and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dignity is for republicans.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
