Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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