Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
