I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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