these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
