I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
