guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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