The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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