If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
