Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
