Define "chronic" masturbator.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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