my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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