It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i may or may not be watching the land before time
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
