Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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