i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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