My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
