He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
