Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
