last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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