i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
