i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
