And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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