smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
