He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
