Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
