member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
