During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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