As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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