And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize