im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
