She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
