You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize