I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and she was petting her beer can
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
