I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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