You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need moral support for this bender
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
