Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
