This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i've created a new STD.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
