Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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