he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
