Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
