Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
