The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
