Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
