Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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