god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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