At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
