Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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