If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
