Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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