It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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