You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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