My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
