Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
