I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
