I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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