you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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