I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
