My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
