You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Two words: nipple clamps
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