Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
