My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
