First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
