my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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