so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize