a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
