Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
