Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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